Silgrad Tower from the Ashes

personally I don't think these are very good, but I look forward to comments and suggestions

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Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth
I pray thee, stay your hand. I have heard that the High-priest Kagrenac instigated a skirmish between the Dwemer freeholds and your House. His part in this scheme is not confirmed, and if he is in the conspiracy he acted without my word. Your people and mine share the same ashlands, it would be a shame to see them ashes stained red with our peoples? blood. I hope you agree.
King Dumac of Vvardenfell

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King Dumac of Vvardenfell
I am glad you have come between this feud. I had considered gathering Zainab and Aharasaplit nomads to bolster my forces and I had already sent word to all my clans for a large mustering. I will quickly send them away, but I expect to be repaid for the trouble as a bolt killed one of my clansmen. It seems a Dwemer crossbowman fired upon him whether by accident or purposefully. I expect the culprit to be caught and punished, as you are the King and you ought to have to authority to do so.
Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth

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Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth
Can you speak Dwemeric? For the writing of documents and their translation is tedious and time consuming. If you can speak Dwemeric, perhaps it would be fitting for you me to visit your clanstead, with the culprit. I believe it is Kogoruhn, just north of Star-Wound. I you would not mind, I will be bringing my guards. To be truthful, Great House Dagoth has a dark reputation, and I am sure to you Chimer, us Dwemer are quite alien as well. I hope you understand. Thank you.
King Dumac of Vvardenfell

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King Dumac of Vvardenfell
Of course, I have made the hall ready for a feast. You misunderstand my people. While sabotage and killing is a common path upwards, we are very loyal to our kin and competition is only a mutual affair. We also treat guests with the utmost respect, and we would not dare to kill you at the feast. Not only would that break our rules of hospitality, but also your kingdom surrounds ours, and legions of your golems and heavily armored Dwemer would not be a welcome sight. The paths to Kogoruhn are treacherous, be sure to take care when descending Red Mountain and traveling northwards through the wastes.
Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth

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Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth
The feast was spectacular. I must admit, while my people?s armors and machines are greater than yours, I have not tasted such a good meal in my life. Ash yams in blood sauce and netch jelly served with ice and sugarcane. The argonian meat and gorapples must have been hard to procure, they come from the deep south. I am very impressed, and I am deeply grateful. It is very interesting that both of our people have an innate collectiveness of spirit. Your people have the song of your ancestors, which binds you together, and the Dwemer have our Calling that allows us to converse without words. It seems we have much in common. Come to Star-Wound I beg of you so that I may show Dwemer hospitality to you.
King Dumac of Vvardenfell

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King Dumac of Vvardenfell
Now I need not wonder why your people are so powerful Dumac. The spires of the freeholds are tall and yet strong. The great irrigation pipeworks water many crops that would not naturally persist. Centurions guard your homes freeing your warriors to fight in battle. Yet I see much in common. Both of our peoples enjoy mysticism and enchantment, and both love the underground. And lastly I must thank you for saving me from the War Golem, and I owe you. I name you clan-friend of Dagoth.
Voryn

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Voryn Dagoth
I am glad I am your friend, and you are definitely mine. I would very much like to begin a trade network between the Chimer and Dwemer and I hope you can help me. As you know they are many goods of the Ashlands and the eastern mushroom forests that I would greatly desire. If you could organize a trading route running from the Telvanni clans, through the ashlands, to Dagoth territory, I would gladly have merchants barter with yours. On another note, I would also like to congratulate you. From a nearby cliff I saw your battle with a Redoran clan last week. I am impressed with the way you used lightly armed skirmishers to lure the enemy into a ravine where your veterans pounced on them. I am also glad that you spared those who surrendered. That is all.
Dumac

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Dumac
I have contacted a Telvanni clan and have spoken with several Askhans. I believe our trade route may come to pass. As for the trading place, let it be Kogoruhn. My people would surely benefit as we are not wealthy folks, our strength comes from our loyalty and perseverance, as well as our stealth and brutality, but that has sufficed to keep as alive, not make us rich. It would be appropriate for you to send weaponry, tools, and clothing. There is a small demand for Dwemer clothing and my warriors would appreciate more durable weapons. Do not send armors, for the weight would only encumber my warriors who rely on speed and magicks to overcome enemies.
Voryn

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to be continued?..

Hmm it's a very good base to start from. You don't give yourself enough credit, but they can be improved. I can't quite put my finger on it, but they seem very brief, and somewhat more friendly than would be expected - such an atmosphere cannot lead to war.

To be a bit picky, i hope you don't mind, but kings are not really going to quarrel over the death of a single soldier... I'm not sure how large the armies are at this point, but i'd think at least that they would be too large that one casualty would merit the personal attention of a king. Maybe because morrowind is divided into clans the situation would be personal, just stuck me as odd.

For practical purposes, you may want to consider sticking some of these together, as that means less individual letters have to be placed ingame.

All in all though, very good. This is a deep and interesting background thats being built, and i'm glad you're doing it. Once bob gets back i expect he'll have plenty of suggestions, this is the sort of thing he's good at, and it doesn't require a CS. I'm certainly no literary master.

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
... it would be a shame to see them ashes stained red ...

Hmmmm... at least its not "them there ashes". Are the Dwemer from tha southern parts of the USA by any chance?

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
... as you are the King and you ought to have to authority to do so.

This sounds kinda weird for him to say. Unless he has doubts about how much sway Dumac holds, might want to end that sentence after 'King'.

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
Dwemeric

I really don't know what it is called in Lore, but I always see it written as Dwemeris instead. Also, Dwemeric sounds a little clunky... though I suppose that suits the Dwemer. I'd consider going with either "Dwemeris" or simply "Dwemer". A lot of languages use the adjective-form of the nationality as the language name. A French person speaks French, and English person speaks English, maybe a Dwemer person speeks Dwemer.

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
While sabotage and killing is a common path upwards, we are very loyal to our kin and competition is only a mutual affair.

Not sure he should admit that so casually. They mutually agree to try to sabotage and KILL eachother? I guess its not much weirder than mutually agreeing to drive your cars head-on at another... but still. Maybe have him cover up a little or not just come out and say "Yeah, we kill eachother all the time, but only if the killee gives us permission to."

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
We also treat guests with the utmost respect, and we would not dare to kill you at the feast.

Being that he brought that up un-provoked makes me think he's being kinda shady or sarcastic. I'd hope that if Dumac invited himself over for dinner, he wouldn't think they'd kill him. Is Mr. Dagoth trying to get Dumac to not bring his guards along for the feast? Does he actually plan on killing the poor guy or does he just not have enough food? Being that in-game Lore points to him _spying_ on the Dwemer and he has such an immense hatred of n'wah... I'm not sure he'd be quite this friendly to the Dwemer. Even though they are allied I don't think he would actually _like_ the Dwemer at all whatsoever not to mention trust them.

But really, this would be like you asking to meet with your neighbor at their house and him replying "Okay. By the way, I'm not plotting to kill you." Even I'd rethink going over to that neighbor's house... and I'm a risk-taker.

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
Not only would that break our rules of hospitality, ...

I'm not thinking they'd be so refined. Even those in modern Morrowind don't really seem to have rules of hospitality. So either the Dagoth clans are just simply nicer than the other Dunmer (seems doubtful given their reputation) or he's just making that up to *sound* refined...

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
... but also your kingdom surrounds ours, and legions of your golems and heavily armored Dwemer would not be a welcome sight.

"...but I'm also just looking out for my own ass." This should be fairly evident to both parties involved. I picture Voryn Dagoth as a proud man (err... mer) and this seems out of character IMO. He probably would fear what a Dwemer attack would lead to... but he shouldn't let the Dwemer leader know he's afraid.

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
I must admit, while my people?s armors and machines are greater than yours, I have not tasted such a good meal in my life.

"We may be able to kick your ass, but, hey, at least you can cook!" Ummmm... yeah. Maybe before the feast having Dagoth say "While your peoples are renowned for their mecahnical ability, you'll find the cooks of clan Dagoth greater than those of any other!" But a guest giving such a two-sided compliement to the host? With tension between the clans and such armors and machinery seems a good deal more important than cooking ability. That imbalance makes the sentence seem like more of an insult than a compliment.

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
Your people have the song of your ancestors, which binds you together, ...

The other Chimer clans seem to not really be too aware of the "poison song", so I'm not sure dumac would have knowledge of it. It also seems unlikely it existed before the events at Red Mountain. Otherwise the questions of why the Dagoth clansmen have one and the others don't comes up. Is House Dagoth just special? Not yet. Maybe its something Dagoth Ur cooked up while he was sleeping under the mountain.

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
... and both love the underground.

People usually build strongohlds underground for either the greater protection or out of neccessity. I seriously doubt that either the Dwemer or the Dunmer just "love the underground."

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
I name you clan-friend of Dagoth.

No way. After he decided to go out and spy on the Dwemer... I belive he advocated war with the Dwemer as a whole. Only Nerevar even wanted to hear Dumac's side of it first. I'm thinking Nerevar was most likely the only Dunmer who befriended Dumac.

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
From a nearby cliff I saw your battle with a Redoran clan last week.

Asides from the silliness of having the KING of the Dwemer just walking around clifftops (he'd presumably have a personal guard and most likely be very noticible and attract the Redoran's attention). Complimenting his fighters and tactics is one thing, but its simply not realistic for him to describe the fight in any greater detail. This is a dialogue between two individuals, both of which know what went on the fight. He's not describing it to help the readers better visualize the battle, he's telling Dagoth Ur he's impressed. Also, aren't the clans all united in peace? Before the war of the first council, there was supposed to be a time of great peace between not only the clans of Chimer, but the Dwemer as well. Why are Dagoths fighting the Redorans?

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
... brutality ...

Who describes their own people as brutal... in a good way? It might be how, say, an historian would describe them, but not how they'd describe themselves.

Quote:Originally posted by KuKulzA
It would be appropriate for you to send weaponry, tools, and clothing. There is a small demand for Dwemer clothing and my warriors would appreciate more durable weapons. Do not send armors, for the weight would only encumber my warriors who rely on speed and magicks to overcome enemies.

It sounds like he's asking for hand-outs. Dumac doesn't send the caravans himself. Once a trade route is established, the individual traders would come with their goods to trade. I'm sure traders of all types would come. Those with items not in demand would simply not find much profit and stop coming.

Also, the Dwemer armor isn't.... Dwemer armor. Its pieces of robots cobbled together by adventurers. Dwemer probably did not wear bulky heavy armor. They'd probably rely on their animunculi for protection. Even the dwemer warrior statues are not wearing armor, though they do have shields.

In all, its pretty good. Most of my comments are based on my personal opinions and should be taken with a grain of salt. I'd have to agree though, that it is far too friendly... unless both sides are just pretending to be friendly and only visited eachother to get a good look at the oposition.

I think the Dwemer language is Dwemeri, as apposed to Dwemeric. (I would just call it the Dwemer language, or language of the Dwemer, myself

- Haplo

Quote:Originally posted by Haplo
I think the Dwemer language is Dwemeri, as apposed to Dwemeric. (I would just call it the Dwemer language, or language of the Dwemer, myself

- Haplo

so Dwemeric is the writing and Dwemeri is the lingo?

That's interesting, I've heard the language referred to as "Dwemeris" not "Dwemeri".

http://dwemerstudies.wiwiland.net/runes.html

:bash: oh no.... Dwemeris, Dwemeric, and Dwemeri...

so maybe the Dwemeric is the writing, the Dwemeris is the language, and Dwemeri is the people?

I know in Tolkien's Silmarillion, the Falmari were Elves of Falas, thus Fal-mari...

There were WAY too many elves in the silmarillion... Noldor, Vanyar, Teleri, Sindar to name a few varieties.

I think the names you've given to everything works. Lets just keep Dwemeric for the written, Dwemeris for the language, and Dwemeri for the people

Quote:Originally posted by Seniosh
There were WAY too many elves in the silmarillion... Noldor, Vanyar, Teleri, Sindar to name a few varieties.

I think the names you've given to everything works. Lets just keep Dwemeric for the written, Dwemeris for the language, and Dwemeri for the people

1. i agree... but it all reflects the divisions that came between Iluvatar's First people

2. I agree again, my names for those 3 things seems right to me too

Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth
I pray thee, stay your hand. I have heard that the High-priest Kagrenac instigated a skirmish between the Dwemer freeholds and your House. His part in this scheme is not confirmed, and if he is in the conspiracy he acted without my word. Your people and mine share the same ashlands, it would be a shame to see them ashes stained red with our peoples? blood. I hope you agree. By the honor of my clan I promise no more hostilities on my peoples' part, but I cannot account for your squabbling clans, please control your folk.
King Dumac of Vvardenfell

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King Dumac of Vvardenfell
I am glad you have come between this feud. I had considered gathering Zainab and Aharasaplit nomads to bolster my forces and I had already sent word to all my clans for a large mustering. I will send them away when I am repaid for the trouble. A clan was killed off by a Dwemer war-party, fully armored and even bringing a few golems. This was a planned assault on Great House Dagoth and there must be just payment. A general store of crops from your fields, a room of fine silver, twenty guar-loads of Dwemeri weaponry, and the commander of the war-party would be enough.
Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth

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Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth
Is it possible to converse face to face in Dwemeris? For the writing of documents and their translation is tedious and time consuming. If you can speak Dwemeris, perhaps it would be fitting for you me to visit your clanstead, with the convicted commander. I believe it is Kogoruhn, just north of Star-Wound. I you would not mind, I will be bringing my guards. To be truthful, Great House Dagoth has a dark reputation, and I am sure to you Chimer, us Dwemer are quite alien as well. I hope you understand. There is no disrespect meant, however a ruler must care for himself, so that he may live to care for his people, no? Thank you.
King Dumac of Vvardenfell

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King Dumac of Vvardenfell
Of course, I will have the Dagoth-halls prepared for a feast, you will find no greater hospitality than here in Kogoruhn. The dark reputation comes from our enemies who believe we slaughter each other for rank, and sabotage others to advance ourselves, however our House is mainly situated in the northern wastelands and rarely do other Houses and Clans contact us aside from war. So do not readily take to the lies of Indoril who live far from our lands.
Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth

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Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth
The feast was spectacular; I have not tasted such delicacies in my life. Ash yams in blood sauce and netch jelly served with ice and sugarcane. The argonian meat and gorapples must have been hard to procure, they come from the deep south. I am very impressed, and I am deeply grateful. It is very interesting that both of our people have an innate collectiveness of spirit. It seems we have much in common. On a more serious note, I am glad that we have settled an agreement. The commander will be held hostage in your clan-stead, and ebony ore will be sent to Kogoruhn. I am surprised that your people accept this fine ore, most of Chimer will not trade it as it is 'God's Blood'. Come to Star-Wound I beg of you so that I may show Dwemer hospitality to you.
King Dumac of Vvardenfell

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King Dumac of Vvardenfell
Now I need not wonder why your people are so powerful Dumac. The spires of the freeholds are tall and yet strong. The great irrigation pipeworks water many crops that would not naturally persist. Centurions guard your homes freeing your warriors to fight in battle. Yet I see much in common. Both of our peoples enjoy mysticism and enchantment, and both resort to the underground for protection. Yet we seem opposites, your dignitaries and Clan-leaders show a respect and unity that can only come from understanding and common interest, while the guarded and subtle ways of my people comes from the fact that we have been harried by others since the dawn of our kind. Thus we are a strong people and have held our own. It is likely my House being a buffer between your country and the northern orcs comes as a relief to your people.
Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth

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Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth
I have no doubt that the Dagoths are a strong people, but do not forget under whose shadow you live under. You yourself have seen the numerous armies of the Dwemer, the extensive irrigation fields, and the great workshops. Nevertheless, I have a proposition for you. If you would graciously keep the northern trade-route clear of bandits and orcs, it would greatly benefit both of our realms. I will even send a small tribute of weaponry twice a year if that is desired. I can allocate resources from the western mountains and bring crops up from Bamz-Amschend but I do wish to benefit my neighbors. Afterall what benefits you, benefits me, as 'all roads lead to Star-Wound'.
King Dumac of Vvardenfell

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King Dumac of Vvardenfell
We Dagoths need not your trade-route, but for our own safety we will keep it free of beasts and Ashlanders. The arms-tribute we will not need, however I will allow Dwemeri merchants through without tolls should you send several golems to Falasmaryon for my mystics to study. You may know this already, but Nords have invaded in the north, it will not be long before they arrive at Star-Wound.
Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth

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Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth
Our two peoples, despite some tensions have begun to respect each other's presence. Perhaps it is not too follish to ask for an alliance against the Northmen? Those white-skinned demons threaten to overrun all of the East. I know that Great House Redoran is already at war, and their rival clans have joined the Nords against the Redoran. The Chimer do not stand together and it is apparent they will fall, whereas the Dwemer have held and will continue to do so. I invite you to an alliance, we will support and protect your southern border if you swear to help us fend off the Nords. The only way we can hold out against the hordes of men is to stand together.
King Dumac of Vvardenfell

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King Dumac of Vvardenfell
I will join in this alliance. I am pleased to see that several other clans have been included in our defensive league. I am proud to see the sons of Vvardenfell and the sons of Kogoruhn march together against the Nemer. Have you been in the warrior-camps? Our soldiers make gestures of friendship and brotherhood. But the sooner the war ends the better. However, something to note is that a certain Indoril Nerevar has been wed to an important Queen Almalexia in the central plains. I have met this Nerevar, watch him well for he is destined for greatness. There are rumors he intends to unite the Chimer against the Nords but the Nemer have overrun the north and swept south. It will be some time before the Chimer can unite.
Lord High Councilor Voryn Dagoth