03-31-2008, 01:01 PM
a little thing i wrote last night... based quite heavily on "diaries of a madman" by nikoli gogol, well its got the same basic plot... but i adapted it somewhat 
i suppose that dates would be useful, but no dates could be interesting?
------------------
The sun looked at me oddly today. It was quite a new experience for me, obiviously I've seen the sun before, but it always looked quite content sitting up there. Today, however, it had a look about it that would suggest it was in fact quite upset. Perhaps it was suffering from anxiety over the current political unrest here in Elsweyr, I know I was anxious, I don't see why the sun wouldn't be. Just because its in the sky is no reason to assume it doesn't care about current affairs...
___
I am travelling today. I have been allowed to ride with some rather amiable merchants who are passing through town. They are headed to Senchal. My residence for the journey is a small alcove between the sweet meats and the tanned leather.
One of the Altmer merchants gave me some rather odd advice he said, "Don't talk to the cats, they don't like your kind". I told asked him what kind of madman would talk to a cat, I don't think he was really listening to me, he started blabbing on about some war or other between Bosmer and cats. I don't know what kind of war that was. Who'd want to hurt a little kitty-cat?
___
We have arrived in Senchal. They say this is the drugs capital of Tamriel you know. The whole place is probably made of skooma... The roads are probably paved with moon sugar... Perhaps I shall find out. Of course I can't just start licking pavements in public, I had to wait for a peace to wash over the place. Unfortunately my patience was not rewarded, just old stone, and mud... and what appeared to be sugar but was in fact dried bird excrement. What a pity, there's money to be made from sugar...
___
Its funny the reverence these kittens have for the moons. I really cant see why, they're just like big glow lamps in the sky to me. Though various astronomers say they have pocked surfaces... maybe they are made from old beetles. Stupid things probably flew into some stars... yes... that'll be where the pock-marks come from...
Still, I don't mean to say that they aren't beautiful in the right light, but then again, a cheap whore can be pretty in the right light... I've never seen a whole civilisation that worships them...
___
One of the cats talked to me today. He interrupted my conversation with my old Altmer friend (we were discussing Azura's promiscuity, my revelations yesterday lead me to believe she is a lady of the night, much like Nocturne, not one of Dawn and Dusk). Apparently he took offense, he said,"Guard your tongue, hound."
He had the most bizarre accent I had ever heard, but I suppose that is understandable, cats mouths are designed for lapping up milk and meowing, not talking. Of course I appreciate the effort he must have gone to in the delivery of his message. Although it puzzles me how he has mistaken me for a dog or hound to be exact. Clearly if I was a dog I would spend all day chasing all the kitties.
I understood his words... and I felt no compulsion to chase, so I cannot be a dog... Perhaps I am a cat? Yes... that's it. I'm a cat... What a wonderful revelation. This finally explains my fondness for milk.
___
I've come to conclude that many of the beliefs held about the Nine Divines, and the Daedra are quite simply false. Akatosh for example, often said to be a dragon, would it not be more sensible to suggest he is a winged hourglass? I certainly think so.
Also, I think I have discovered the roots of magical affinity lie in diet, not race. The Dunmer have a great affinity for Destructive magicka, this may have something to do with their blood, but more likely is linked to the higher consumption of ash yams in those regions. Clearly any vegetable grown close to such a monstrous volcano is going to have absorbed some of that destructive power in its roots. So tell me, is it really madness to assume that the Dunmer affinity for destruction is in fact linked to ash yam consumption?
___
One of those blasted Kwama worms has latched onto my arm. I have no idea how it got to Elsweyr, but I must remove it immediately.
___
I am in the care of a kindly healer. I somewhat damaged my arm with the removal of that worm. She is a very backward healer, if good at her job, she seems unwilling to open her ears to the truth about worship. Probably clogged with fur, maybe she cannot hear me properly...
___
I am truly incandescent with disbelief! I have been incarcerated for a crime I clearly did not commit! I have been charged with defacing the statue of Azura in the chapel here! This is preposterous. Clearly this charge has some sort of clever irony imagined by the local authorities behind it. Never fear brave reader of many truths! I of course have a brilliant plan of escape, but I'm afraid I must leave this dear diary behind as I travel to another plane of existence.
I shall be escaping on my faithful steed, Isabell, who's muscular flanks are woven from rainbows and who's very breath is imbued with powdered unicorn claws and melted dragon hooves.
Farewell! And spread my truths wherever you may go!
Faldil Venn
------------------------------
Prison Warder's Note:
Prisoner: Faldil Venn, Cell 6
Took his own life through hanging from a rope that must have been previously concealed about his person. Rope is made of an unidentified pearlescent thread that appears to have magical properties. The Mages Guild have confiscated the artifact for analysis.
No family members could be located. The body will be disposed of.
----------------------------------------------------------
There it is... After writing this, maybe it could be developed into a sidequest to do with the rope? Anyway, hope you enjoy (the prison warders note would be seperate in game, not part of the diary obviously
)
Edd
i suppose that dates would be useful, but no dates could be interesting?
------------------
The sun looked at me oddly today. It was quite a new experience for me, obiviously I've seen the sun before, but it always looked quite content sitting up there. Today, however, it had a look about it that would suggest it was in fact quite upset. Perhaps it was suffering from anxiety over the current political unrest here in Elsweyr, I know I was anxious, I don't see why the sun wouldn't be. Just because its in the sky is no reason to assume it doesn't care about current affairs...
___
I am travelling today. I have been allowed to ride with some rather amiable merchants who are passing through town. They are headed to Senchal. My residence for the journey is a small alcove between the sweet meats and the tanned leather.
One of the Altmer merchants gave me some rather odd advice he said, "Don't talk to the cats, they don't like your kind". I told asked him what kind of madman would talk to a cat, I don't think he was really listening to me, he started blabbing on about some war or other between Bosmer and cats. I don't know what kind of war that was. Who'd want to hurt a little kitty-cat?
___
We have arrived in Senchal. They say this is the drugs capital of Tamriel you know. The whole place is probably made of skooma... The roads are probably paved with moon sugar... Perhaps I shall find out. Of course I can't just start licking pavements in public, I had to wait for a peace to wash over the place. Unfortunately my patience was not rewarded, just old stone, and mud... and what appeared to be sugar but was in fact dried bird excrement. What a pity, there's money to be made from sugar...
___
Its funny the reverence these kittens have for the moons. I really cant see why, they're just like big glow lamps in the sky to me. Though various astronomers say they have pocked surfaces... maybe they are made from old beetles. Stupid things probably flew into some stars... yes... that'll be where the pock-marks come from...
Still, I don't mean to say that they aren't beautiful in the right light, but then again, a cheap whore can be pretty in the right light... I've never seen a whole civilisation that worships them...
___
One of the cats talked to me today. He interrupted my conversation with my old Altmer friend (we were discussing Azura's promiscuity, my revelations yesterday lead me to believe she is a lady of the night, much like Nocturne, not one of Dawn and Dusk). Apparently he took offense, he said,"Guard your tongue, hound."
He had the most bizarre accent I had ever heard, but I suppose that is understandable, cats mouths are designed for lapping up milk and meowing, not talking. Of course I appreciate the effort he must have gone to in the delivery of his message. Although it puzzles me how he has mistaken me for a dog or hound to be exact. Clearly if I was a dog I would spend all day chasing all the kitties.
I understood his words... and I felt no compulsion to chase, so I cannot be a dog... Perhaps I am a cat? Yes... that's it. I'm a cat... What a wonderful revelation. This finally explains my fondness for milk.
___
I've come to conclude that many of the beliefs held about the Nine Divines, and the Daedra are quite simply false. Akatosh for example, often said to be a dragon, would it not be more sensible to suggest he is a winged hourglass? I certainly think so.
Also, I think I have discovered the roots of magical affinity lie in diet, not race. The Dunmer have a great affinity for Destructive magicka, this may have something to do with their blood, but more likely is linked to the higher consumption of ash yams in those regions. Clearly any vegetable grown close to such a monstrous volcano is going to have absorbed some of that destructive power in its roots. So tell me, is it really madness to assume that the Dunmer affinity for destruction is in fact linked to ash yam consumption?
___
One of those blasted Kwama worms has latched onto my arm. I have no idea how it got to Elsweyr, but I must remove it immediately.
___
I am in the care of a kindly healer. I somewhat damaged my arm with the removal of that worm. She is a very backward healer, if good at her job, she seems unwilling to open her ears to the truth about worship. Probably clogged with fur, maybe she cannot hear me properly...
___
I am truly incandescent with disbelief! I have been incarcerated for a crime I clearly did not commit! I have been charged with defacing the statue of Azura in the chapel here! This is preposterous. Clearly this charge has some sort of clever irony imagined by the local authorities behind it. Never fear brave reader of many truths! I of course have a brilliant plan of escape, but I'm afraid I must leave this dear diary behind as I travel to another plane of existence.
I shall be escaping on my faithful steed, Isabell, who's muscular flanks are woven from rainbows and who's very breath is imbued with powdered unicorn claws and melted dragon hooves.
Farewell! And spread my truths wherever you may go!
Faldil Venn
------------------------------
Prison Warder's Note:
Prisoner: Faldil Venn, Cell 6
Took his own life through hanging from a rope that must have been previously concealed about his person. Rope is made of an unidentified pearlescent thread that appears to have magical properties. The Mages Guild have confiscated the artifact for analysis.
No family members could be located. The body will be disposed of.
----------------------------------------------------------
There it is... After writing this, maybe it could be developed into a sidequest to do with the rope? Anyway, hope you enjoy (the prison warders note would be seperate in game, not part of the diary obviously
)Edd