 Someones Journal |
Siesta Guru
Elder of Skyrim
Registration Date: 15.10.2006
Posts: 516
Location: Sleeping in a bar
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A small story to give the dungeon: 'fort dyvern' a bit more life. A key
is added to the players inventory when this book is picked up (opens
the locks of a few loot chests in the dungeon) . I hope you like it
,grammar and spelling changes are welcome, english aint my native
language.
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Day 1:
Me and my companions entered fort dyvern to make it our home. The
previous owners of this beautiful place must have left in a great
hurry, the food is still on the table. Everything is covered by a huge
layer of dust, It'll take some time to clean it up.
Day 2:
We had a great night, we found some bottles of wine, those old wines taste great.
Next time we better leave the mead alone though, time doesnt let everything taste better.
This morning, something odd happend, we were sure that we drank wine
and a little bit of mead but we cant find any remains of our party,
everything is just as we entered.
The dust didn't disappear so we started cleaning, after a day of hard
work we enjoyed listening to Graduns storys and we went to bed.
Day 3:
We're getting insane in here, the dust and the rotten food we removed
yesterday are back. Or someone is having a good laugh or this place is
haunted.
The other men liked the idea of the reappearing wine, so they didn't care too much.
Or at least they said so, I've seen the fear in their eyes.
To test our doubts about this place we decided to break all the wine
bottles -after we've drunk what was inside- , we knew only magic could
bring them back.
We all had a terrible night with little sleep, thinking about what kind of evil might be in this place.
Day 4:
Nightmares have disturbed the little sleep we had. At dawn we went to the storage room to see if the bottles were still broken.
They weren't.
We have to leave, we feel there is a old, evil shadow in here, a shadow that seeks peace. We have to leave.
Reader, have this key so you can take that what we couldn't carry.
__________________
ou av andanyammis 
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15.10.2006 22:07 |
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Alasdair
Jarl of Skyrim
Registration Date: 29.08.2006
Posts: 1,169
Location: Somerset, England
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I really like it! It's always good to give dungeons some uniqueness 
. I wouldn't put the key inside the book as that has been done before,
but maybe put it next to the book (I assume this is placed somewhere in
the fort itself).
Here's what I would change about the text, anything I have added has been highlighted in bold
___________________________________________________________
Day 1:
Me and my companions entered Fort Dyvern to make it our home. The
previous owners of this beautiful place must have left in a great
hurry, the food is still on the table. Everything is covered by a thick layer of dust, It'll take ages to clean it up.
Day 2:
We had a great night, we found some old bottles of wine, those vintage wines taste great.
Next time we better leave the mead alone though, time doesnt make everything taste better.
This morning, something odd happened, we were sure that we drank the wine and a little bit of the mead but we cant find any remains of our party, everything is just as we entered.
Unfortunately the dust didn't disappear so we started cleaning, after a day of hard work we enjoyed listening to Graduns heroic storys before we went to bed.
Day 3:
We're getting insane in here, the dust and the rotten food we removed yesterday are back. Either someone is having a good laugh or this place is haunted.
The other men seemed to like the idea of the reappearing wine, so they said they didn't care too much.
Or at least they said so, I've seen the fear in their eyes.
To test our doubts about this place we decided to break all the wine bottles (after we'd drunk what was inside) , we knew only magic could bring them back.
We all had a terrible night with little sleep, thinking about what kind of evil might lurk in this place.
Day 4:
Nightmares disturbed what little sleep we had. At dawn we went to the storage room to see if the bottles were still broken.
They weren't.
We have to leave, we feel there is a old, evil shadow in here, a shadow that seeks peace. We have to leave.
I left the key here so if anybody ever finds this accursed place, they can take what we couldn't carry.
This post has been edited 2 time(s), it was last edited by Alasdair: 15.10.2006 23:01.
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15.10.2006 22:57 |
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Siesta Guru
Elder of Skyrim
Registration Date: 15.10.2006
Posts: 516
Location: Sleeping in a bar
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thx for the edits and the comments 
I shall place the key on the book instead.
Theres 1 edit I didn't put in the book:
The other men seemed to like the idea of the reappearing wine, so they said they didn't care too much.
Or at least they said so, I've seen the fear in their eyes.
I didn't really like using said twice so I left that out, I hope my weak grammar skills havent missed something there 
This is the book as it is right now:
Day 1:
Me and my companions entered fort dyvern to make it our home. The
previous owners of this beautiful place must have left in a great
hurry, the food is still on the table. Everything is covered by a thick
layer of dust, It'll take ages to clean it up.
Day 2:
We had a great night, we found some old bottles of wine, those vintage wines taste great.
Next time we better leave the mead alone though, time doesn't make everything taste better.
This morning, something odd happened, we were sure that we drank the
wine and a little bit of the mead but we cant find any remains of our
party, everything is just as we entered.
Unfortunately the dust didn't disappear so we started cleaning, after a
day of hard work we enjoyed listening to Graduns heroic storys before
we went to bed.
Day 3:
We're going insane in here, the dust and the rotten food we removed
yesterday are back. Either someone is having a good laugh or this place
is haunted.
The other men seemed to like the idea of the reappearing wine, so they didn't care too much.
Or at least they said so, I've seen the fear in their eyes.
To test our doubts about this place we decided to break all the wine
bottles (after we'd drunk what was inside) , we knew only magic could
bring them back.
We all had a terrible night with little sleep, thinking about what kind of evil might lurk in this place.
Day 4:
Nightmares disturbed what little sleep we had. At dawn we went to the storage room to see if the bottles were still broken.
They weren't.
We have to leave, we feel there is a old, evil shadow in here, a shadow that seeks peace. We have to leave.
I left the key here so if anybody ever finds this accursed place, they can take what we couldn't carry.
__________________
ou av andanyammis
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16.10.2006 10:37 |
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cruxvader
Seigneur
Registration Date: 17.05.2006
Posts: 155
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My companions and I is proper English grammar. If the character has any schooling background, then you should correct it.
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16.04.2007 00:49 |
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Though I should add one more thing: