 Fiction, The Rabit and Hare |
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 Fiction, The Rabit and Hare |
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(A nursery Ryhme to teach children the importance of wearing clothes)
The Rabit and Hare,
what a wonderful pair,
running around in their underwear.
But the people,
did they cry out,
when they looked upon,
such misbehaving louts.
Such a travesty it was,
to see such a sight,
frolicking around,
in broad daylight.
The Rabit and Hare,
what a wonderful pair,
in a stew with a pint of beer.
This post has been edited 1 time(s), it was last edited by The Old Ye Bard: 12.11.2006 08:23.
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17.10.2006 07:44 |
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Psychotic
Jarl of Skyrim
Registration Date: 30.07.2006
Posts: 3,420
Location: Sheogorath's Realm
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It's good, though you're missing a rhyme in the last part for proper structure.
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17.10.2006 13:33 |
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Siesta Guru
Elder of Skyrim
Registration Date: 15.10.2006
Posts: 516
Location: Sleeping in a bar
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very nice indeed 
__________________
ou av andanyammis 
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17.10.2006 14:48 |
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Liquid Cheese
Elder of Skyrim
Registration Date: 24.07.2006
Posts: 624
Location: England
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Lol, that is quite an inventive nursery rhyme idea, it is excellent.
Although the last line sounds out of place, it doesn't rhyme with the
other lines in the stanza which it looks like it should, I'm not sure
what rhyme scheme you are using but if it is follows the same rhyme
scheme as the first stanza then it should rhyme with the 3rd and 2nd to
last lines which it doesn't. |
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17.10.2006 18:38 |
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It doesn't follow a Ryhme scheme as such, and anyway it is a childrens
ryhme(for children not by them for the record) so it doesn't matter as
much.
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17.10.2006 20:18 |
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Liquid Cheese
Elder of Skyrim
Registration Date: 24.07.2006
Posts: 624
Location: England
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Yea, I suppose you are right.
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17.10.2006 20:44 |
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Psychotic
Jarl of Skyrim
Registration Date: 30.07.2006
Posts: 3,420
Location: Sheogorath's Realm
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What do Nord children know about song structures and scheme anyway... little savages! 
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17.10.2006 21:11 |
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