Any writers out there?

[Maleficus8953]

An arrow cracked a man?s skull next to me, showering blood all over my caked face. His bloody face fell limp as his livid grimace drooled blood, and his body lifelessly collapsed to its own weight. I sensed a presence from behind me. Unshaken, I brewed hate and primitive rage as I turned, sword in hand, ready for the kill. Lusting after such weakness I saw in my enemy, I mercilessly hacked through his hesitant torso, rolled to my side ,instinctively dodging a two-handed blow. I laughed inside my head, as I sprung up from the ground and plunged the bloodied blade into his breast plate, causing shards of armor to splinter into his soft chest. He yelped weakly as I turned and brutally split his head in two.. His body awkwardly collapsed and I pursued the next enemy from behind. My mind started to whir, I no longer recognized feeling, colors, shapes, no meaning. All I saw was blurred images of frenzied soldiers, fighting like demons, resorting to nails, and teeth if necessary. Things blurred more, and the next moment I see murky brown. The maniacal ritual slowed. A sensation at my foot, a flinch at my knee, a jerk of the neck. Two swords splitting the air. Adrenalin impelling me at a haunting level, I regained vision, and dove forth, vying for the attacker?s legs. A deep laugh, and thin air.
Lying vulnerable, the enemy quickly responded.
Sick of writhing on the ground like some tied up lizard, I quickly popped up behind my pursuers knee. Not thinking for one second I plunged my saber into the back of his calf, twist and pull.
The man deafened the feverish battlefield with such disgusting gurgles of agony. I stood and came down hard on his exposed breastplate, ending the inspirational duel-wielding warrior.
My soldiers appeared from the calculated possession, to rally to my side. They were after all my guardians. They would take me to the archers to signal the volleys.
?My horse!?
Efemis, the one closest to me, for an instant looked as if he had wronged me.
He shook his head , ?Im sorry sir,?
I laughed to myself, ?Its fine, really. Just get me another one.?
?Sir?, he bowed fervently, and for the next few moments I waited there, breathing in the destitution of the slain and nauseating images of the battle. My guardians still stood alert, as if machinery, or well trained watch dogs.
?My Lord!?A soldier about twenty paces away lead a small speckled horse to me.
Lifting myself aboard, I galloped to the archers at the bank.
The bitter frost nagged at my ears and at my wits, tugging at my body as if to drag me from my duty. As if the very air was against me, but, I will not think that way. No, I am the victor of this battle. I will not reveal any sign of weakness, nothing but cold steel and flesh, soaked in what seemingly was the only common thing between me and my enemy, blood.
The substitute horse galloped as if burdened by a man three times my size- clearly owned by no more then an archer or a siege worker. The dim blue light was not so contrasting to the even less lively archers. I understood completely that they were tired, but surely no more tired then I. Piss and vinegar, They moved so slowly! My blood boiled, and I felt the raspy commander that knew no rest come back to me.
I angrily kicked the horse and came along side the homogeneous mass.
?Men! We have a whole war to fight! You of all people should fecking know that we have to win! Do yall want to die!? Im telling you all that this battle is now contingent on you!!?
I pointed at to a shaking lower class men and knew the eyes into which that coward stared into, eyes of cold steel. ?All of you!? I looked across at the helmeted, more poised archers, to the intermediates, who bore the common expression fear, but not shakened.
I then ordered the captains of each regiment to mount and ride with me a nearby hill, which I knew was were we would take our stand. We heard nothing, the snowy ground seemed to pacify
all sounds, so that our drive was met with peace, making for a grueling struggle to keep aware.
The twelve of us came up to the hill, and for a second I forgot to breath. There before us stood the enemy, who had not even been fought. No. What I had fought before was the skirmishers, the mere peasantry in the battle, the ones you send in expecting to die.
Dry mouthed and nauseated, I unconventionally kicked my horse and led the similarly affected captains away from the scene.
Still reeling in shock, I kicked the dwarfed pony back to where the archers lie in wait.
The captains galloped around the archer regiments to the room between the archers.


there is much yet i have to write, but i would like if yall could post some your thoughts on it, if that is, you guys have the time and will
Thanks!

[Cogidubnus]

This probably belongs in the stage...

[Arbiter]

We were all writers at some point in our lives.

Remember that infamous "How did you spend you summer?" texts we had to write when we came back to school after summer holidays?

God I hated those.

[DarkEclipse]

I write!

But not stories or poetry.

Songs.

Songs that I think are terrible.

People tell me otherwise for some reason.

[Psychotic]

Originally posted by Arbiter
Remember that infamous "How did you spend you summer?" texts we had to write when we came back to school after summer holidays?

Tell me about it!

I write, but I haven't written anything in a while. I'll read trough your text a bit later Maleficus.

[Maleficus8953]

thanks physch...
if anybody read the first little snippet....
what do yall think?
does it suck like 20 testicles at the same time?
or does it not suck that much?
This obviously is just one scene, the whole of the shortstory is still a twinkling in my eye.
If any body has any comments on it please...criticism is wanted.

[Psychotic]

Criticism? No, it's too good for that. I mean it is REALLY good! Only one remark... that warlord is too good of a writer.

[Heywood]

It seems good to me, but it would help if we knew the back story to what is happening...who is the narator...why is the battle going on?

I would say that the use of the word "face" in the second sentance is kinda awkward seeing as it is used in the end of the previous sentance...maybe it could be changed to "His bloody countenance..." Thant and you used the slang "yall" in there somewhere too...that should be changed as its a relatively modern word.

[Psychotic]

Originally posted by Heywood
I would say that the use of the word "face" in the second sentance is kinda awkward seeing as it is used in the end of the previous sentance...maybe it could be changed to "His bloody countenance..."

...or "His bloody visage". hrug:

[Maleficus8953]

mmmk
i will change that.
i see what yall mean, its redundant.
Anything else?
thanks for the comments