Finding Oblivion

[Evenios]

Hey guys: i just wrote this and wanted to see what you think. :-)

(i just think oblivion is a cool word too :-p) note: this is not about the game but more of an inspirational writing.):

note i put the wrong date below lol edited it to fix that:



:o:blivion.

The word by definition from Webster's means: "the state of being forgotten", however, other words come to mind as well:
Void, darkness, hell, destruction, chaos, the end.

In our lives we mostly go about our business trying the best to manage what has been given to us. In certain instances, however, we come face to face with the greatest challenges, the greatest storms that are not measured by wind gage but by the wall of water forming threatening to crash down on us.

We cannot comprehend nor understand why the great wall may come crashing down on our lives and how things that should not go wrong: do. Instead of fearing the storm however perhaps finding oblivion is the best place we can be?.


The last several months were chaos for me, I felt like I was an Egyptian lost in Antarctica completely out of place and unsure of where I belonged. After a close relationship I had for five months seemed to end I felt left with nothing. Trying to regroup and get myself back on the right path proved even more difficult when the news was received that my Uncles father had passed away. I didn't know him well (and he wasn't related to me as it is my mom's sister's husband's father?thus not my grandfather as one person had mistaken) but I remember riding with him and his wife as we were traveling to see my cousin Thomas' graduation a year or so ago. I was a bit upset but the funeral and afterwards went very well. I even met a new friend during it (which is a odd place to meet new people but I guess even in death you can find new life) I do remember after the funeral we walked to my great grandfather's grave which was in the same cemetery and I looked at the empty space next to his grave knowing someday my great grandmother (who was still living) would be buried there.

The next day we received the news that my great grandmother was dying.

It was then that I felt oblivion had hit. It was one thing to have a funeral for a person that I didn't know that well but some of my family did, but another to know that my great grandmother who I often would spend the day at her house and sit and have lunch and tea on her porch was dying. The fact that I had JUST came back from a funeral the day before didn't start to worry me?it scared me.

Here I was trying my best to regroup after a difficult few months trying to have peace when this happened. What now? What I feared the most had come true it seemed my relationship turned into nothing and I truly felt alone.

My great grandmother had been in the nursing home for several years after suffering from several strokes that left her unable to walk and talk much so I knew that her time was limited but it just seemed to crash into me over the timing. I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't even really want to go the hospital when my mother called and asked me to come and see her as it was mostly her final hours because I didn't want to face death and the fact that I truly felt alone.

I felt as I had been abandoned that everyone around me was either running away or dying. How could I possibly have hope of anything?

The biggest thing for me was the apparent deteriation of my past relationship. Five months may seem short but for a guy who hasn't had many close relationships with woman being that close for that long with a girl and then to have it all fall apart was just more than I could take. She woudnt even call. She wrote and said it was best that we just emailed each other but I felt like saying: "WHY? You live just down the road!" email is good for people who are in Atlanta but if you can call the person why not?

I remember lying in bed that night with that gut wrenching feeling of being abandoned but somehow I managed to get to sleep.

The next day my mother called wanting me to go see Nanny (my grandmother) but I really didn't want to I didn't want to see a dying person. It was as if a train was coming and there was nothing to do to stop it you just had to watch it hit you. I reluctedly agreed to go since Nanny had wanted me to be there herself, which I felt would be rude to abandoned a dying family members wish)

Just as I was getting ready to leave I found out that Abby did call the night before my grandfather just though it was a wrong number. That one piece of information really changed my mood. I had originally thought she had forgotten about me, she had said she would get online to talk to me laters about the situation with my great grandmother but never did but the fact that she did called really turned everything around.

Finally with just that little bit of information I was able to go see Nanny and my parents and stay somewhat calm. However at one point I went in a waiting room and listened to "Nearer My God to Thee" from titanic a few times on my music player. (seemed fitting).

In the end Nanny did pass away on the same day as her husband nine years before her

July 28th, 2005.

During this time Abby was with me the whole way. She came over the night she died and visited me after her funeral as well. It was there that I saw the truth that she did not abandon me. She was a true friend that just needed a little bit of space before but she had not been lost.

My parents and I who had had a sort of fallout before became closer again as a result as well. It was then that I rediscovered what I thought I lost.

A few nights ago Abby told me I was her best friend. How ironic that I went from thinking she had completely abandoned me to being called her best friend. Sometimes in relationships you just need a little space to regroup but it doesn't mean the person has completely ran away

Now as Abby pointed out not everyone survives finding Oblivion, hence the name. Some people are completely broken by storms in there lives and are never able to recover, however I believe it is the best place for us to be because only then can we really begin to see the truth and what really matters. You cant really appreciate what matters if you wake up everyday to sunshine.

Receintly hurricane Katrina slammed into the gulf coast and caused New Orleans to be mostly under twenty feet of water. Whole towns have been obliterated. It is said that millions will be without homes.

In these times one can begin to wonder why? Why all this chaos? Why is everything I ever known seem to be gone?.destroyed.

In these situations however, I think it provides us a somber look at life and what really matters. The very first thing people do when such disaster strikes is make sure there family and friends are ok. Relationships are one of life's greatest assets and sometimes in chaos we can begin to find peace.

Even a small amount of faith is enough to get through the broken places as a Christian band "Jars of Clay" words it.

I have seen oblivion, I have seen death, destruction, and have felt totally forgotten at times but I know that finding oblivion can be the best place you can be. It is then you relies that you are not in control that you must look to a greater meaning than just your day to day schedule to find hope.

I know everyone has been there at one point and if you haven't yet?you will. The question will be when the time comes how will you handle finding oblivion?

[Ben Vagara]

Evenios,

Without pain, we would not appreciate pleasure,
Without sorrow, we would not truly appreciate joy,
Without death, we would not truly appreciate life.

I have been there, my friend. More than once.

Reading of the events of this world cause my heart to ache. Many of our brothers and sisters in this world suffer. Some from "natural" disasters - certainly tragic and sorrowful. May those left behind find peace and courage to carry on, to honor those that have passed beyond. But the greatest tragedy is when we cause the pain and sorrow of others...

Seize life and live it fully. Share life with all around you, for it is too precious to waste. Do not fear oblivion, for if we remember those who have gone on before us, then there is no "state of being forgotten" for them. Or us.

Ben

[Razorwing]

Evenios: I really liked your text, it was very thoughtworthy. It made me ponder how it must feel to love a woman. Oh, I've had relationships, and my current one is going on 2? years, but love? Or for that matter any real emotion at all? I've almost forgotten what that feels like. My jaded, weary face just sees the sun set over and over again, the days pouring out of my hourglass. At least there's coffee and cigarettes to brighten my day... and thoughts of Elder Scrolls IV

[dwemer lizard]

....... wel ehrm :hmm:


dont know what to think of this...

the STORY is good doh