Horny Queens and Hapless Kings

[D.Foxy]

So!

you all want a funny poem?

"Beware, Mortals, of asking the Gods for what you want, for in a fit of anger they may give you what you want"

With that in mind...

More Adventures of Ding Dong Dee

Now, everybody, turn away your looks
From sad poems and gloomy books
For all the troubles of you and the world
Won't by some verse be instantly cured -
And so, instead turn to sub-versive ME
(that's right, the anarchist known as Ding Dong Dee)
I plan to regail in exquisite detail
The story of how a wicked plot failed!
Well, the story really begins like this -
"Once upon a time, in a land of Bliss
There was a really exquisite little Miss,
With lips like cherries and hair black as berries,
And eyes that were large and dancing and merry,
She melted the heart of every lad in town,
And lifted hard members UP, not DOWN!
With a wiggle in her hips and a song on her lips,
And a pair of two deliciously large jiggly (CENSORED)
Every man and boy between thirteen and ninety-nine
took one look and straight out of their minds did climb!
At last her fame reached even the King of the land,
He heard of her beauty and straightaway offered his hand,
And on the wedding night he (CENSORED) unitl he coudn't even stand!
Days and months passed with delirious glee
The King regularly (CENSORED)-ing his lubricious queen,
UNTIL ONE DAY CAME NEWS MOST TERRIBLE -
One of his provinces had dared to REBEL!
Well, the King was in a terrible plight,
Which weakened even his much-renowned might,
What on earth was he going to DO?
While he was away, his wife would SCREW!
(You see, he knew well the Queen's desires
Would not allow her body's fires
to stay calm in the absence of her King,
She'd surely find someone to have a fling!)
Well, he thought really HARD for a day and a night
And THEN discovered a way out of his plight,
At once he summoned his inventor-in-chief
And told him plainly 'Sir, I will be brief,
While I am away, my wife will NOT play,
And to make sure guarantee against that day,
I desire you to make me something very special -
feminine underwear, but made of metal!
Panties armoured against a thrusting prick,
With a small hole which even the stoutest pole
Cannot push inside to reach its goal,
And, as a safety measure in store,
Spring-loaded Razors behind the door,
of these panties: so that, even if any member
should DARE stick its head through - it'll be DISEMBERED!'
Well, the said inventor outdid himself
(And added to his increasing wealth)
by making panties as deadly as wit -
Anything inside, would be cut off with a snip!
Panties locked on the Queen, the King did deem
it adviseable to add a further security screen,
He assembled ten men, strong, trusted and true
(Whom he fervently hoped the Queen would not screw)
Telling them sternly to guard the Queen
He left for battle, secure, it seemed!
After a month he returned to his abode
And the first thing he did when back home he rode
He ordered the ten men to parade before him
And DROP THEIR PANTS - to see if they had sinned!
Alas, nine of the ten were missing the tip of their poles
(They had tried, and failed, to reach their goal)
But there was ONE among them standing proud and whole,
A griinning, leering clown called DING DONG DEE!
The King burst out 'How GOOD it is to see
that honour still lives! Come, Dee, your Majesty
will knight you for being loyal and true
you must have resisted temptation till your balls were blue!'
And he took his sword and dubbed Dee a knight
And asked Dee to graciously acknowleged that right
And then loudly shouted the Noble Sir Dee,
'THAG GOO WEYEE MUSH YAW MA-JESH EE!"

MORAL

Husbands who try to guard their wives
Should remember on fear of their lives
That even when damage to the pole is done
There also remains the fingers and tongue!

(If that didn't make U all laugh, I give up.)

[Quentin Fortune]

:lmao:

Greetings

Quentin

[KuKulzA]

:lol: Ding Dong Dee! yeah!

[D.Foxy]

O reader, beware what ya see
of the 'adventures' of Ding Dong Dee
He of the prodigious appetite, whee
Will make ya all go "HEE HEE HEE!'
dares thou partake of his sprees???

[KuKulzA]

that is some powerful underwear.... underarmor

EDIT:
this is my 3,000th post :dance:

[D.Foxy]

Well KulKuz if you are ever thinking of getting married I can give you the name and address of the 'armourer' :lmao:

[KuKulzA]

oh when I am married I plan to be home more often and not on business trips...
so I don't think I'll have a problem... even though I am pretty sure my wife-to-be in the future will be a sexy woman... I'll just have a shotgun lying nearby incase any neighbors get courageous... :brew: get out of me casa!

[D.Foxy]

A shotgun eh?

But suppose his 'cannon' is bigger than yours? (innocentl)

:banana:

[Garrett]

Ah, but it's not about the size of the canon, it's how short its reload time is!

[D.Foxy]

Oh I see!

But...

somehow I don't think a cannon that can fire 600 shots a minute will impress if it's only half an inch...I mean a squirrel has that equipment!

Oh all mods we are talking about CANNON. OK?

:banana: