The Blunt Vegetable Knife

[Ja-Kha'jay]

This is a story that was a delight to write. The favourite among hunters theyr commonly tell this story around the campfire during their hunts. Anyway here goes:

:alert: The Blunt Vegetable Knife.
By S’Zharim.

Many years ago, in the city of Orcrest, a Tojay clerk was at the pub with his Cathay friend, who was a hunter. They were discussing the finer points of their jobs.

“Jo’Hanir sits behind his books all day, and knows nothing of the joys of the hunt. Perhaps Jo’Hanir would like to come hunt pigs with us in Tenmar next moon?” Baa’Raksa the Cathay asked.

Jo’Hanir sipped his jhab’dan and thought hard.
“Jo’Hanir would like this very much. Let us make the arrangements” Jo’Hanir agreed finally.

Next moon, Jo’Hanir, Baa’Raksa and three other Cathay were deep within Tenmar and setting up camp.

“There are many small pigs here; this is a fine hunting ground.” Baa’Raksa said.

Days passed and the Cathay resolved to make a fine hunter of the Tojay, but Jo’Hanir, being very inexperienced made too much noise in the bush. The hunters kept returning empty handed and hungry.

“Jo’Hanir will frighten the pigs.” Said one of the Cathay.

“This one does not want to be in the bush with frightened pigs.” Said another, fingering a large scar from his youth.

“And he is accident prone. This one had to patch up another cut today.” Said the third.

“Very well, we shall leave Jo’Hanir at camp, and go hunting on our own. And to stop him cutting himself we shall leave him naught but a blunt vegetable knife.” Baa’Raksa decided.

The next day the Cathay gathered every sharp knife on the camp and took them on the hunt, making good their promise to leave only the small knife with Jo’Hanir.

Many hours passed and the hunters were returning to the camp with a small pig. They would eat well tonight. But as they got closer and delicious scent wafted over their whiskers.

“Is that pork?” Baa’Raska asked the others as they neared the camp.

When they got there, they found Jo’Hanir tending to a large pot of pork stew and great slabs of meat drying but the fire.

“Where did Jo’Hanir get pork for stew from? All we left Jo’Hanir was a small vegetable knife.” Baa’Raksa asked.

“And it was blunt too!” Said the other Cathay.

“Maybe the great hunters should check behind the tent.” Jo’Hanir gestured with the vegetable knife before cutting some more herbs for the stew.

So the Cathay all looked behind the tent and found the biggest pigs head they’d ever seen. They were shocked when they saw the size of the tusks. How did Jo’Hanir kill and butcher that with a small blunt vegetable knife? Surely he was an excellent hunter to have killed such a large pig with not a scratch.

They all gathered around the fire and enjoyed Jo’Hanir’s delicious pork stew. It was a very good stew, the pork as tender and succulent and the vegetable were nicely cooked. The next day they went home to Orcrest, satisfied with the hunt, and with a new respect for the Tojay clerk, who normally sits behind books and numbers all day.

A few years later Jo’Hanir died, and was to be buried in the Imperial fashion. The four Cathay came to the funeral and afterward they were gathered at Jo’Hanir’s house for drinks to remember him. Mounted on the wall was the enormous pigs head that had pride of place in the house. And in the pigs mouth was the small blunt vegetable knife.

“To Jo’Hanir, may his soul forever walk the warm sands of Lles’wer.” Baa’Raksa raised his drink to toast his deceased friend.

The other Cathay raised their drinks in toast as well, remembering that particular hunt with fond memories. Jo’Hanir’s widow, a lovely Imperial maiden, approached the large khajiiti men with a huge grin on her face, despite the fact her mate had just died.

“Jo’Hanir told me that that was the biggest joke of his life.” She said, motioning to the head.

“What does Luca mean? “ Baa’Raksa asked Luca.

“Every year for the last five years, Jo’Hanir told me the story of that hunt. There was no one else he could tell the story to, and he bade me to tell you four on this day.” Luca cradled her glass fondly remembering her late husband.

“This is the truth of that hunt. You lot had all left poor Jo’Hanir all alone in the camp with only the little knife to protect himself. So he decided to brew some tea.” Luca began to tell the tale of the hunt, which was this:

Jo’Hanir was alone in the camp, when along came another two hunters, dragging the enormous pig, who could smell the tea.

“Please Tojay, may we have some tea? We are tired and this pig is too big for the two of us to carry home.” They asked.

Jo’Hanir said to the two men “Of course the tired hunters may have some tea. They may also use the camp to butcher the pig. But Jo’Hanir has also spotted smaller pigs just up the valley, if the hunters would like a smaller prize.”

“That is well, for this old tusker is so big and old and probably tough as old leather boots. He would not make a good meal.” The men said.

The men left and soon returned with a couple of smaller pigs which they could easily carry home. They used the camp and Jo’Hanir gave them some more tea, along with a bottle of the delicious brew along with some choice herbs and spices which were a perfect choice for cooking pork. There was however the old tusker to deal with.

“We don’t really want to carry the old porker with us. Perhaps we can butcher it for Jo’Hanir to have in thanks for the tea and herbs and use of his camp.” The men set about butchering the pig for Jo’Hanir, and they put the massive head behind one of the tents. Then they bade Jo’Hanir farewell. Jo’Hanir then set to work of drying the meat and making the stew.

“And the rest is history.” Luca concluded Jo’Hanir’s tale. “You lot were to shocked by the fact that Jo’Hanir had the big carcass to even question where he got it from!” Luca laughed.

The Cathay all looked at each other and then at the pigs head with the small vegetable knife in its mouth.

“He really got us good!” Baa’Raksa said, and the hunters all cracked up laughing.

“To Jo’Hanir, who with his silver tongue and sharp wit, managed to trick his friends for five years. May his whiskers never fall off and his soul always walk on the warm sands of Lles’wer!” Baa’Raksa toasted.

“To Jo’Hanir!” The hunters and widow lifted their glasses.
:alert:

Anyway what do you guys think?

[Wizjany]

hahaha he suckered them bad!!!! they should have questioned him more when they got curious...but hey, it's a story, and a great one at that!

[Koniption]

That was a really good story! Is it gonna be used in the Elsweyr mod? It should be, if you ask me.

Koniption

[Ja-Kha'jay]

absolutely
it was so much fun to write!