Hello again everyone!

[Razorwing]

It has been close to half a year since the last time I was here. My absence was not caused by real-life concerns, though I appreciate that others used it as a reason. I stayed away because I could not find a kernel of enjoyment left in modding.

A major reason is that Reich Parkeep and Soluthis did not turn out the way I had hoped. It all boils down to the fact that I was not as good at city design as I thought I was. I didn't take the time to draw up any kind of plans for the city before I started creating it, neither the city layout nor distribution of guards nor characters nor... anything, really.

Perhaps my chaotic approach could have worked on the scale of a small settlement, but definitely not on the scale I chose for Soluthis. No matter how many hours I put into it, it still felt like an empty, disorganized, buggy, patch-work of a mess and that led to an ever-lessening desire to work on it. I kept thinking of other things I would rather do, i.e. 3d models, and then tried to justify it to myself and others.

The region around Soluthis did not turn out like I would have wanted, either. I simply did not think it through. I did not investigate and comment on the landmass when I had the chance. When I noticed the lands around the city were too flat for my liking I just figured I could make it hilly by creating and using models instead. It turned out there were two problems with that approach: creating rock models was not fun, and I was not organized enough to get the overall sense of the region one would need to draw up large terrain features. When I played Fallout 3, with its masterful mixture of landscaped hills and 3d rock models, it finally dawned on me how the rocky Soluthis region could have been like, if I had put my mind to it from the beginning and made the correct choices.

At the same time, the massive scale made it hard for me to feel like I was making any real headway on the region. I could spend an hour tweaking a wilderness cell to my liking, then zoom out and realize I had completed 1/1000th of the rocky region. Again, who was to blame? Me. I championed the landmass scale we chose; I had ample opportunity to affect the way the Soluthis region turned out; I was the one who was supposed to create all the rock models I would have needed.

The same feeling applied to the 3d models I created. I learnt new facts and skills as I got better and better at modelling for the game. The more models I created, the larger my library grew of - in my view - sub-par and bugged models. I spent an enormous amount of time updating my old models, but it still felt like I had a huge amount of work ahead of me, not to mention all the new models I wanted to make and which were needed. Again, there was no-one to blame but myself. I could have, and I should have, taken the time to research and learn about the deeper workings of Oblivion models as information became available.

At the same time, for many many years I had equalled modding with spending time by myself. Or rather, spending time pretending I was not married to a woman I did not get along with very well. Modding became a reason not to spend time with her; a justification for not socializing with her, and for staying up half the night and sleeping half the day away. I slept as long in the morning as I could get away with, just to shorten the number of hours I had to spend with her. After my divorce, which started in December 2008, there was no-one to "avoid" and I had oodles of time to myself. With what used to be my motivation gone, my interest in the world of modding slowly but surely declined - and at the same time, the problems with the city, the region and with modelling felt like they were mounting.

I guess I finally realized just how much work was still ahead of me to get both Soluthis and the models where I wanted them to be; work that I did not genuinly want to do, and work that I did not really feel I needed to do now that that motivation of avoidance was no longer there. It coincided with the fact that I got a new computer in late September -09, and I wound up playing games instead; Fallout 3, The Sims 3, some other ones, and most recently Civilization IV.

I still feel a connection to this world though, and I look forward to working with the group again at some point. Admittedly, many of my thoughts turn to the next game in the Elder Scrolls series, and how I can take a different approach to modding that time around now that I realize what my shortcomings are.

[bob196045]

Howdy RW

Glad to see you about

A very honest and heart felt post, I feel ya man, been their (still thier) !!

Hope to see ya a bit more


Just keep moving going, thats the secret to it all

Enjoy
Bob

[Zurke]

Hi Razorwing. I am happy to see you on the boards. As far as how you feel about your region I cannot comment. But I do feel that it not too late to rework whatever it is you do not like. The homes are there, the infrastructure is there, the NPCs and dialogue and packages are there. I honestly don't see it as insurmountable to rearrange the area to however you like. Done with a system it could be fairly easy.

Maybe major landscape changes would not be easy or possible but changes can be made none the less to create something closer to what you invision.

Anyway, as I said it is nice to see you around here and I hope you find some motivation to implement what you see as a better soluthis. I would be very happy to help in anyway I can.

Have a great day
Charles

[sandor]

Good to see you around!

Originally posted by Razorwing
I still feel a connection to this world though, and I look forward to working with the group again at some point.

I always enjoyed working you, so hopefully you return in the near future. :yes:

[Koniption]

Yo Razorwing,

It's a ghost! Eek! Everybody run for your lives!!

It's a relief to see you pop in to say hi. Sorry to hear about the troubles, too. I hope things get better for you, in whichever department.

Koniption

[Ibsen's Ghost]

Hey Razorwing,

I sort of felt this was coming. It's a sad day for these forums. :poorme:

We'd love you to drop by now and then even if you're officially gone. Your experience, expertise and general character is much missed. It's good to know you're on the road to recovery after the divorce. It sounded like you were sorely in need of a fresh start!

You would, of course, be welcome over at the Black Marshes forum too, where I've set up my home =) . Don't disappear forever, bro. You're too big an inspiration for people around here....

[InsanitySorrow]

Nice to see you again Razorwing, heres hoping you return in the near future :cheers:

[jucklesjenk]

R - Ra - Ra - Razorwing?!?!?!? :bow:

This is the first opportunity I have had to talk to you directly since I joined, and I'm slightly disappointed that this is the tone, but nevertheless, I respect you for your honesty on top of all the incredible work you've done for the mod. =)

If you do choose to return at some point in the future, then I am looking forward to finally working with you, but if you don't, then I wish you the best of success in whatever path you choose to take. :goodjob:

[sexhaver]

edited to remove bad blood

hope you are well irl razorwing